Tiffany and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I got the title for this post form a book I used to have when I was younger. It was called, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Here's my version.

I woke up at 7:30 this morning to a voicemail from my hubby stating that on his way home form work, the motor on our 1992 Mazda 626 blew, and he was stuck several towns away. The car had 275,000 miles on it and a leaky water pump, so we knew it was gonna go sooner than later, but were hoping for later rather than sooner.

I get up and get Parker and Bubba ready for school, and just as I am getting ready to walk out the door, in walks my husband. I give him the "we are gonna talk about this when I get back" look and leave.

In the middle of our "discussion," Makai starts throwing up on the playroom floor. No biggie right? Right.

Makai throws up three more times and Hubby decides he's had enough discussing the car and goes to bed.

I get dressed so I can go run my errands and Makai falls asleep on the playroom floor. I put him in bed with his daddy and get ready to leave. I no sooner then walk out of the bedroom door when Makai starts throwing up in my bed. On. My. Clean. Sheets.

I decide to just take him with me and put him in the car with a receiving blanket tucked around his lap. I get maybe 1 1/2 miles down the road when he starts throwing up again. I cut across 2 lanes of traffic, pull over on the side of the road and pull him out of the car. I clean him up and put him back in the car with a clean receiving blanket tucked around him. (I brought several, just in case)

We then head over to PG&E where the lady informs me that she can't process my payment because the system is down. She then tells me to come back in an hour. I tell her (on the verge of tears)that it's been a really stressful morning and that I have to go out of town to get my car that broke down and I can't come back in an hour. She, being the nice lady that she was, agrees to take my check and just put it through when the system comes back up. I thank her profusely and put Makai (who only has a pair of short on) back into his seat. I back out of the parking spot when Makai starts throwing up again.

We get on the freeway and drive the 25 minutes to where the car is sitting, and I run into a nearby gas station to get the address. When I come back out to the car, Makai is of course throwing up again.

I call the tow company. Nobody answers. I then realize that I DON'T HAVE THE KEY TO THE CAR WITH ME. It's back at the house.

I drive the 25 miles back to the house get the key and drive back to where the car is. By this time my baby has FINALLY stopped throwing up and is complaining of being thirsty. Ya think?

An hour later, we are sitting in my truck drinking apple juice and eating Doritos, when the tow truck finally arrives and the diver informs me that he doesn't even need the key to get the car onto his truck. Great.

We get the car back to my house and unload it. (Hubby apparently is still sleeping) I than rush to the boys school, pick them up, go to the bank, run a couple of other errands and finally go back home. Hubby is in the house trying to find a way to get the car back home. (Apparently he hadn't been outside yet)

I then help the boys with their homework, and after hubby leaves for work, feed them Top Ramon for dinner because I am too tired to cook. After I finally get them all to bed,I put the clean sheets and blankets back on my bed and pass out.

So yeah, that's the edited, slimmed down version of my Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Non Comformist

I was always a non-conformist growing up. If you had an opinion about something, I disagreed and if there was a rule about something I broke it.

Example:

No Talking Back: Broken (I was nick-named Mouth of the South growing up by my dad).

No Lying: Broken (I cut class once and lied so well about it, I completely convinced myself that I didn't do it and was beside myself when I got punished for it).

No Stealing: Broken(In high school I had quite the collection of key chains from Spencers).

As I got older, I got a little better with following the rules. Kinda.

I just don't believe speen limits apply to me. (I really do believe that the government posts speed limits for the people that can't drive as well as I can).

So why? Why, why, why, why, why, did it surprise me that one of my children is also turning out to be a non-conformist?

Any guesses anyone? Yep you guessed it. Its my two yeard old, Makai.

I think he was placed here on earth for the sole purpose of breaking my rule-breaking record. He is so cute that many people may not believe the is as bad as I say he is. Let me give you "doubting thomas's" some example.

He spits in people's faces,bitten just about everyone we know, screams at people when they try to corrct him, refuses to sit in time-out, smeared poop all over the house, won't sleep in his own bed, kicked the cat,tried to rip the ears off my mom's dog, and the list keeps going.

Some people may think that he lacks dicipline, but if you read my post titled "Time-Out and Tobasco Sauce", you know this just isn't true.

He's just a non-conformist to the core.

Intruder in the Backyard

Hubby has been working nights the last couple of weeks so, among other things, I have taken over the job of watering the grass. We used to have this nice automated sprinkler system but our dog (whom is no longer with us)ate the wiring so now we have to turn it on and off manually.

Our yard backs up to some hills so although it's nice and private, it is also VERY dark and creepy at night. Now, I am woman enough to admit that I am completely afraid of the dark. And having a very over active imagination doesn't help much either. When I do go out back at night, I go out and come back in quickly, so that anything (human or animal) out there won't be able to get me.

So I go outside the other night around 11:30 to water the grass. It is, of course, all dark and creepy out there. I am bending down fiddling with the sprinklers when all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I glance up and out of the corner of my eye, I see something in the shadows. No, not something, SOMEONE.

All of the blood in my body turns to ice and I start to shake. My heart stops beating for a couple of seconds. Terror and panic wash over me.

What do I do? Fight or flight? Fight or flight? Flight or fight?

My brain finally kicks in.

RUN!!!!!

I take off at a dead run. As I reach the back door, I look back see that the someone is still standing there. I take another look and realize....


I thought I was gonna get murdered by....

and subsequently ran from.......

the BARBEQUE GRILL!!!!!

The Monster Under The Couch

Makai and I are hanging out on the couch while Hubby is getting ready to leave for work. All of a sudden Cali (the cat) starts yowling. Loudly. I look up, expecting to see her trying to escape out of the front door. She's not there. I get up and find her on the other side of the couch trying to get something underneath. Hmmmm. Probably just a spider or something. I pick up a bag of pullups off of the floor. Nothing there. I scoot the couch down a little. Nothing there either. I scoot the couch away from the wall and out runs this Gigantic Alligator Lizard.

AHHHH!!!! (My heart is racing and I am breathing in shallow gasps.

*side note- I am not normally afraid of lizards. I actually like lizards, snakes, frogs, preying mantis,etc*

I run outside where Hubby is jump-starting his car (bad battery) and yell that there is a monster lizard running loose in the house.

"Did ya catch it" Hubby asks.

"Um no" I really wasn't thinking about that at the time. (All I was thinkin
g was how glad I was that I didn't pee on myself when the lizard tried to eat me). Hubby comes in the house and we proceed to move the couch.

No lizard.

I pick up all the toys under the couch and...

Still no lizard.

By this time Makai is running around brying and saying over and over"It scared you""

Are you sure that you saw a lizard under the couch?"

"No. I imagined all this up so I could have you come in and play Knight In Shining Armor."

"Ass"

We start searching again and finally find the lizard/monster hiding on the fireplace. We try to grab it and it starts climbing up the bricks. I grab the lizard where it starts thrashing around and pees on my hand.

I drop it.

I grab it again and it sticks its tongue out at me.

EEEK! And I drop it again.

(Did I mention that this lizard is like 8 inches long?)

Hubby finally gets it cornered and I scoop it into Bubba's Bug Catcher. I shut the lid and breathe a sigh of relief. The monster is caught.

I grab my phone and snap a couple of pictures, send one to my mmom, (so the big boys can see) and send one to Facebook (of course).

Godzilla (the lizard/monster) gets placed on top of the fireplace so the big boys can let him go when they get home.

I think I'm gonna have the heebie-jeebies all night.

Time-Outs and Tobasco Sauce

It's just me and Makai in the house cause Hubby had already left for work and the big boys are outside riding bikes with their cousin. He (Makai) didn't have a nap today so he was really tired and grumpy. He gets upset about not being able to play out front and starts to yell at me. I put him in his time-out chair and tell him to sit there for a minute.

And so the battle starts.

He starts off by screaming at me. I ignore him. He gets even more upset and start yelling "you hear me, mom" over and over. I continue to ignore him. All of a sudden I hear "YOU DUMMY-ASS".

Oh hell no! He did not just yell that at me. There is NO way I am letting him get away with that.

I go into the kitchen and grab a bottle of hot sauce cause I read this article about parents putting hot sauce on their kids tounges when they curse, talk back etc. (Seemed like a good idea at the time). I walk back over to him (he"s still screaming) and attempt to shake a drop or two onto his tounge.

Maybe I should have practiced first because about a tablespoon came out.

And he swollowed it.

Oops!

He starts crying and choking and gagging and his nose starts watering. I run him over to the sink where he starts heaving. I give him some milk to calm his stomache and stop his nouth from burning. I pick him up and carry him to the couch. We sit down and all he keeps saying over and over is "I no yike da hot sauce mommy".

I now feel like the world's worst mom. Ever.

The Trouble With Blogging

I was just starting to really get into this blogging thing when we had a budget crisis and had to have our cable and internet turned off. I don't miss cable much beause I didn't watch that much t.v anyways. I can say that I am going absolutly crazy not having access to the internet. I keep having these really great blog ideas but no way to post them. I tried going to the library and writing them there but Makai kept getting us kicked out before I could finish them.

I than discovered that I was able to blog and post directely from my Blackberry. So I logged on and started writing. I never got to finish because the lines don't automaticaly end and start over on a new line. I kept writing and writing and the line kept going on and on. I couldn't even see the begining anymore. There was no way to re-read everything to make sure there were no spelling errors, or to make sure it made sense.

Next I tried writing in a journal to take with me to the library. I figured if I already knew what I was gonna say, I might actually be able to post something. I wasn't really surprised when that didn't work out too well either. I kept having to erase stuff so that I could re-word things. It was taking way longer than it was worth. I was now at a loss.

And then it hit me....(picture me smacking myself on the forehead). HELLO! Just because I didn't have access to the internet at home didn't mean I couldn't type my blogs up on my computer, save them onto my little doohickey (I can't remember what it's called), take it to the library upload it onto their computer and copy/paste it onto my blog.

YES!! Back in business.

Now I just gotta find my little doohickey.

Greiveing

My Grandma died last week. She had been sick for a long time but it was still a shock when the doctors told us that she only had a two days left to live. We didn't tell the kids that she was dying because the next day was my little brother's 10th birthday party and we didn't want to ruin it for him. When we went to see her that day I was a mess. I walked into the room with the kids and lost it. Tears, snot, hiccups, sobs the whole works. She was sedated so we just told the boys that the doctors gave her medicine to make her sleepy. They wanted to know what was wrong and I tearfully told them that I was just sad that she was still sick.

I went to see her every day after that. We (my mom, my auntie and I) would sit there and talk to her. Tell stories about when she was well or just sit in silence. The night before she died I gave her a kiss on the forehead, told her I loved her and was gonna bring the boys by to see her. She was still sedated but when I talked to her she moved her head and her shoulders, so I know she heard me.

The next morning I told the boys the truth about what was going on. I wasn't sure how they would take it since they were so young. They took it hard. They were crying saying that it wasn't fair that she would die. They thought God was being mean and were very angry with him. I explained to them that God decided that it was time for her to come home to heaven. They had seen her plenty of times while she was sick and they knew how much she was suffering. I explained that she wouldn't be sick anymore. And I told them about the wonderful party that was going to be waiting for her when she got there. They were still upset but they they understood.

She died that morning. When we were walking past the nurses' station to go into her room, they stopped us and told us that she had passed a few minutes before. They boys started crying. I did my best to comfort them, but how do you comfort a child that is trying to grieve?

I didn't cry though when she died. I didn't cry in the days after also. It felt like I was trying to grieve but it wouldn't come. Then I would feel guilty that I wasn't grieving. I thought maybe it just hadn't hit me yet. Maybe when we actually buried her the tears and grief would come. They didn't.

Sitting there looking at her casket, I felt God speak to me. He said "How dare you be sad when she is at peace with Me? She had suffered for so long that we had started saying that we just wanted her to be at peace. If she could be at peace here, healthy, with us, then great, we'd take that. But if she couldn't be at peace here, than we were okay with her being at peace in Heaven.

I had gotten another word from God, when she was in the hospital. God said "know that your prayers are being most wonderfully answered in a way that may seem painful, but is the only way."

I still get sad sometimes. Like when a memory of her and I pops into my head, or when I think that now I don't have a grandma anymore. Or when I think about not being able to pop in and see her when I am in the town that she lived in.


But most of all I am happy for her. She is finally at peace.